Current mood:

amused

Another Blast
I really have been strangely fixated on the past this week. I've finally given into myspace (nope, not linking you, sorry), and have discovered the people search function. I've "ran into" so many old friends, old crushes, old enemies... it's like one big blast from the past. It's crazy!

One of the people I found was Justin. He was sixteen when I was about fourteen, and he was probably the first guy I... well, actually liked for personality and not just for good looks and who he was in my head. I liked him seriously for about a year... and it had its ups and downs, its laughter and tears, its notebooks being dragged into the men's bathroom and its late, late nights by the fireside with a guitar and good conversation. Then he found out, somehow, that I liked him, and when I talked to him about it, he told me that he did kinda like me, but that he felt that God had led him to a place where he didn't want to date... where he wanted to spend that time with God.

I really did think that was cool, until he turned around within that week and started dating my best friend at the time, Crystal. Boom... just like that. She didn't even like the kid until that happened.

But anyhow, I had a dream about his older sister the other day and then proceeded to look her up on myspace... which led me to Justin again. He doesn't know I found him out because I didn't talk to him or add him to my friends or anything... but it's weird.  I mean, he's really good looking now. Back then... well, let's just say that he's lost a lot of weight in the last seven years or so. He also looks like a much nicer guy. I'm afraid to talk to him, though, for the same reason that I'm afraid to talk to Dean. I'm afraid of putting him in a position to hurt me again. I'd rather observe a little from  afar and then move on with my life. Right?

At the same time, I do want to kind of pop in just to say, "Hey you, look how much I've changed." Because honestly, I do think that I've changed for the better in all that time. And honestly, I do want to rub it in his face. And even though he probably hurt me much more than Dean or any of the other guys in my past... I can see a lot of similarities between Justin and Jack.

Justin was the one who caused me to fall in love with guitar music... and recently I'd gone and fallen in love with a guitar player. Shh. Don't let that get around.